Wish I had my mom's sense of spirit...

V approached me today and told me that she thinks I am "crabby" and was disappointed from my performance on Sunday at her Aunt's house. She thought I could have played tag or ran away with her girls, when they were attached to her hip. Ok yes, I was a bit melancholy but again I hate when she puts this blame on me when she is the one who has a bad attitude at times.

Anyway, that segwayed into my answer to her previous question a few days prior, "speaking of leaving, You can start looking for someone else for September. I have other plans in mind for me."

That sparked the conversation of NYU, and if and when I would start, blah blah blah.

Ok well au pairing isn't for everyone but I am sure I am giving it my all. I do enjoy being with the girls but when they are attached to their mother it is difficult to draw their attention. It so doesn't help to be told on and on again that 'you are disappointing me'. I am going to try to suck it up for 4 more months and have a smile on my face constantly even when being yelled at or scorned. What else can I do? I am who I am, and apparently I need to be happy constantly, like her(sarcastic tone). Which leads me to say, I wish I had my Mom's sense of spirit and love for life. Even when I am down on my luck at home, I have my mom to snap me out of it. Well i still have her but she is speaking thru the computer and/or the phone. It helps, but being around crabby people can not help the situation.

Anyway, so who knows again what will happen. But this weekend I am going to spend it with V and the girls in the country home just to get away from the city and try to be the chipper happy self I can be. No matter what. I am going to push thru these next few months and see where they take me. Like my favorite professor and friend once said:

"I think the royal road to achieving genuine satisfaction in life is going the Bloody hard way."

perche no??