25 June 2007

The Hotness continues...

I am lucky to have the pool of Elena and Pifi at my beck and call. Alas even when I am in the pool these days it is like bath water. So not as refreshing as I hoped. But still I wouldn't give that option away for a second.

These days it seems people have been on edge, perhaps because of the heat. I found out yesterday that Franco, the backbone of Lorenzaccio, passed away on Friday. He had advanced throat cancer and refused to get it treated whatsoever, he just wanted to live. I never got to know him fully but I would always give him a 'Ciao, or Grazie' when I was there. I felt the sadness falling around me when I went over to greet my friends. Guiseppe was by far the saddest of them all.

"Katie, I really miss Franco."

I was so sad.

I went to see my friend Michelangelo he gave me the best smiles. But I knew he was crying inside. He kept saying 'thank you' but I felt I was not of any help. I just stood by him for about 10 minutes in silence, looking onto to his tan face and he kept on smiling. Just as long as he knew I was there, made me feel I somewhat helped.

Above is my friend Michelangelo....that is my favorite picture of us, on my birthday.

I find that the more I stay here the more and more I am embedded in this citta. Among my friends, expats, the family, and Americans there is no way you can keep me away from this place.

a presto

20 June 2007

Yet another cut...quite a bit

Here are the flowers I bought when my Mom was here. They are blooming strong in the Florentine sun. Just like me I am pressing on and enjoying this adventure I call MY LIFE.

Eccomi....A bit shorty short short...ehh it grows back....I am happy with it. Different and Chic!! It feels great, a change, change that I like. It makes me look skinnier. Always a plus. Maria was a little afraid it wasn't really me and wouldn't talk to me when she first saw me. Hopefully they will grow to love it as well.

Such as life there is always need of change, good and bad. All these put together makes you a stronger person in the end. Being open to change is a new concept for me. I am glad I have this spontaneous nature to cut my hair this short. This is the first time I cut it soooo short. Sometimes one needs a boost in life, to pick me up from worrying about stuff that is worthless to worry about. This is my BOOST!!! BUONA GIORNATA!!!!

18 June 2007

Enjoying the Moment

This weekend we bid farewell to our friend Lauren who went back to Texas for a few months. She will be returning in and around August to start school again. Although it was a rather emotional ride of a weekend, I was able to enjoy it with friends.

On Friday I headed to Venezia for the Heineken Jammin' Festival to see Pearl Jam, The Killers...and many more. On my way there I am looking out the train window and I see storm clouds all around me. Thankfully I packed an umbrella but as I arrived there I can see it was a pretty bad storm that ripped thru Mestre. Alessio, mio amico, calls me and says the concert is "beep"!! I'm like WHAT?!?!?!

I arrive at the concert site, Parco San Giovanni, and I see tons of people soaked to the bone, and being escorted out of the park. I wait for about 45 minutes until Ale arrives. We were so upset...Che palle!

We ended up walking to Venezia from Mestre which was not very long becuz of a nice man that let us hitch a ride to the Island. The roads were closed in and out of Venezia because of fallen trees from the storm. We walked until we found the ristorante of choice. It was a crappy situation in which I keep my head up and enjoyed the company of Ale. We talked and laughed and had a grand time out of a crappy one. It was something I wish I could do always. We had a nice dinner and then headed back to catch a rather cramped bus. Thankfully we were the first stop to reach the car. I slept on and off until we arrived in Firenze alle 1.30. I crashed. I slept until 11 the next morning and was very sleepy the rest of the day. I then headed to the river to lay out for a bit. It was divine. I knew it was just a matter of time until I realize I will be home again. The thought of staying here is constantly going thru my head, however it is hard to get myself to be like....YES katie you are staying for x amount of time more. On my own. Key word there.

The thought of being a permanent fixture here, scares me. A person that breezes in and out, yes, I can't stay here forever.

I love the people, my friends, both new and old, they give me tons of reasons to stay and then reasons to leave. I am a person that likes change. Even though a few years before I remember saying how I can't stand when things change. I seem to have a spirit that yes, I enjoy my place here but I constantly want something to inspire me in a different direction. Now that is not just in Italy, I find I am this way at home as well.

I really need to make money. I need to start my career (whatever it may be) and set forth to a life of being in Chicago most of the year and Florence. This is my passion. If I can make it work then damn I need to get on this. I know I have the potential to achieve this goal. All I got to do is believe and such things will happen. I need to keep faith in the choices I make. Nothing is forever. I am not failing if I leave here. I need to drill that into my head.

I am determined to enjoy each and every moment I have here. With friends, family, and Firenze. Firenze has brought me so much joy thru my 20s. I want it to keep bringing my joy onward thru my 30s as well. Let's start the process...

13 June 2007

The Women in my life

I have met incredible, strong, fearless women since this journey began. I have yet to talk about all of the above strong, fearless women in my life. So I thought I should give you all some insight on these acquaintances, long-term friends, connections at first sight, bosses, and teachers.

I would like to start with the most recent encounter I had with Melinda, from Living in Florence. She and I have been trying to meet for up to 3 months now and FINALMENTE we met this past Sunday. She kindly invited me over for a cup of tea and banana bread and good conversation. She is a woman of many backgrounds and many experiences. She makes me want to persevere to the highest peak. Having the recent obstacles to leap over, she still presents herself with a great, big smile on her face. I love that! I can feel her strength and her “you can’t stop me now” attitude. I tried to absorb this vibe. She had a lot of insight on life, love and hardship. I took it all in. It is amazing how meeting a person for the first time can really get you into a mood. Like ‘I can conquer the world if I want to’ attitude, referring to my indecisiveness on staying past September. I let her know I will not stay for a guy, friends, or any job that is only a setback. She applauded that, ‘you need to stay for you.’ I agree. Alas here is my new friend Melinda, tower of strength and powered by determination.

My next friend and/or fabulous lady in my life is Danielle. I met this New Yorker back in February. She and Lauren were frequently attending the infamous Karaoke at Michael Collins where at the time had a reoccurring spot. She and I got to talking one night and I found out she was doing her Masters in Italian Literature and became quite intrigued by this petite lady. She is just 21 and acts very mature and sophisticated. I admire her drive, determination, and passion for life, her studies, and Italy. She is now one of my closest friends here. She is also a fabulous cook. I will never eat chick-peas without thinking of her.

And now onward to Tina. I think you all remember her because I am constantly thanking, referring to her in my posts. I met her in February as well. She came to Florence for a long weekend and met me for a nice casual dinner in San Niccolo. We hit it off from the start. She had this brush of energy when she walked into the room. I could definitely see how we got connected. We both have the same love of Italia, the same independent nature, and the same determination. I enjoyed immensely speaking with her about life, love, etc. She brought warmth to my heart and made me feel completely normal (o abnormal) for what I was doing here. No one has ever conquered this feat, so why not that one be me? Vero? To this day I constantly send her emails asking what she thinks I should do, just to get some feedback. I hope I have another chance in this life to see that fabulous, most helpful, ‘willing to put herself out there’ soul.

Francesca is a lovely girl who I met 2 years ago at a concert of my friend Giulio. She right away caught my eye. She was not like the other Italian women I have met prior. She came up to me and ask me my name. She was very kind, sweet, and very talkative, like me. She is the girlfriend of my other friend Iacopo, whom I love as well, and the two of them together I am in heaven. They are so welcoming and loving.

She is also a kindred spirit of mine. She and I had a nice glass of vino a few months back, and she was saying the exact thing I was thinking. She has the same views on life as me. Saying things like…You need to do what is best for you, no one else. You only live once. She is in this fabulous band leading them to stardom I think. She has such drive, passion for this music. I love her voice, just like her, strong, smooth, and changing always. I have many more years to learn so much from her.

My sisters are among a higher stature of superb greatness. Jen, being a mother, a friend, and a confidant, she knows how I feel about her in my life.

Emmy, a smart, strong, and beautiful woman she is these days. She has a lot coming her way, I hope all her dreams come true in this life that seems to be flying by.

My Nana has been talked about much in this blog. She has a spirit about her that makes me what to do anything. Because I can, I have the power and I have the strength to prevail. Thanks to you.

Last but not least, my Mom. She has been thru a lot with me wanting to constantly leave her. Although I have always returned, it is still hard for both of us. She has yet to tell me to come home….i am the one that keeps saying it. She always let me talk my thoughts out. She has trained me to love your family as much as yourself. There is nothing that substitutes family in this life. I can still be my own person with my family around me. For many years I always thought I had to be far away from home to be successful. I find that this is so untrue. I need constant support around me, always. Why not it be my family? Friends come and go but family is always there, thru thick and thin. How cheesy am I?!?!

I have a great admiration for all these women in my life. I am grateful for all that they share with me and thankful I have them to support me as well.

10 June 2007

Crazy images

Here is my brother with a pope. They got to talking and then headed to a bar outside the Vatican Museum. It was friend at first sight...

Here is my brother after me driving my INCREDIBLE driving to Montalcino...

He never screamed once. I love him.

Here is where you have to park when you pick up your children after a school performance...

Can you get out of that pickle???

04 June 2007

Thoughts that keep you up...

I was in San Casciano this weekend with the fam. It was a rather hectic weekend but I felt I accomplished a lot for V and the other English family that was visiting V and G. It has become more and more homey when I am with them. V definitely has changed her attitude towards me since my parents came. I'm glad it was a success!

Do you ever think of people that you could have been nicer to back in the day? I was tossing and turning last night thinking of a friend I have recently received an email from asking me to meet up with him. Then I haven't thought of him until last night. It was weird but was very much relavent with what I have come across these days. I have just finished the book, A Thousand Days in Tuscany by Marlena de Blasi...this weekend I came across this passage about love and choosing love:

"...I think that most people who are alone are so by choice as much as they are by fortune and destiny. There's a great humility about love. Before a person can surrender his aloneness, he has to care for someone more than he cares for himself..."

I feel that in this passage, it defines me. I find myself choosing to be alone. Given here I am...in Firenze, by myself, not attached, which I love. But in the sense that I have NEVER felt I should commit myself to anyone in this life thus far. But again this statement holds true in some sense. Allora, back to my thought that kept me up....so I thought maybe one guy here was someone I want to commit to but alas I have found out....that he is not the one for me...solo amico. I found I liked the idea of being with him. But he turned me off in the end. So then came this random thought of the other guy. We left on bad terms due to my blunt and straightforwardness...stating 'I will never be with him' in that way. It was never the same and we lost touch. He never returned my calls and if he did answer he was an ass. Justifiable. Then I finally took his number out of my phone and refused to ever call him again.

Fast forward to 3 weeks ago...I received an email asking me to meet up with him in my town,no less. (He never would want to come to CL). I sent an email showing my happiness to hear from him and also the expression I am living my life without him. Comfortably. And here I am today or rather last night....thinking about him and how I was a horrible friend to him.

I also read my horoscope the day my family arrived back on the 18th and it said this:

"Per qualcuno di voi, un'amicizia potrebbe trasformarsi in passione. Farete fatica a entrare in sintonia con chi vi ama, nonostante le sue ottime intenzioni: siete troppo svagati, troppo ansiosi, troppo in cerca...di che cosa?"

It is pretty much saying that a good friendship can turn into a passion of some kind. I immediately thought of amico mio. Because we have gotten closer. And also he started pushing me away (as well as I did) so I thought maybe there was something there. Alas, niente...nulla...oh well.

In life I believe there are people who touch your soul and those who pass by like a breeze. I have seem to have met many people here that have touched my soul, like a friend, a confidant, and a potential(although never has it been reciprical, that I know of). I think that is why I keep myself at a distance to some and sneak away at times. I don't like people, my friends, my family, to know EVERYTHING about me. I would rather leave some parts of my life a mystery. Not to create some sort of secret life but to keep my thoughts, my fears, even my loves to myself. Another reason why I can't commit or see myself with anyone at all. Ever...sometimes.

Like my mom says and I have adapted this expression, 'It will come when you are ready' or 'whatever will be,will be, the futures not ours to seek' or 'Just what makes that little old ant...' and so on and so on.

Sometimes these thoughts keep me up because...well....I am alone. I am in a country full of potential men who would like to be with me and thus not-a-one has stuck. The aforementioned passage from Marlena de Blasi, speaks loudly to me and suggests I DO choose my aloneness. Because I CHOOSE to be writing about this which is boring the hell out of some of my readers.

I'm sorry.

So now we go back to my Mom and her wise words 'Katie your time will come....you have other things to do in your life...It will find you when you least expect it.' Of course how simple is that??? Alas I have been waiting for IT to find me for 26 years!!!!! What exactly is IT?????

My absolute fear is when I ever arrive home is the constant questions if I found someone special....I will answer you all right now....you know who you are...

I have not found anyone special, it isn't my time, I have too much to accomplish in my life, when I least expect it IT will find me....

There......ok well I will keep all of my readers updated on the aforementioned thought in my mind....constantly in my mind....

thanks for listening to my venting and banter....